A Shiny New Australia

word meme

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 14:17:03 GMT

My five words from moodywho

1. Monkees: I was a fan of the Monkees back in 86 when MTV and Nickelodeon used to show the reruns. Then I moved on to the Beatles and sort of forgot about them. They had another comeback when Carey and I were at the Land together and the two of us got all obsessive about previously unreleased material, trippy movies, Davy Jones's breasts and the dreaminess that is Peter Tork.

2. violet: This is a favorite color of mine. The color of the sky at sunset-- all light pink and periwinkle blending together. It's what I visualize when I do meditative breathing as it's very calming.

3. dancing: Well, we, of course, met at the infamous White Chicks with No Rhythm Dancing to Stevie Wonder Dance Party. That about says it all in terms of my skillz. I still can't bring myself to dance in public (at least not totally sober.) But I will get up and make a fool of myself with my kids quite happily.

4. daughters: I have two of them. Sometimes I look at them and feel so much love that it actually hurts. I'm treasuring their innocent years and dreading the time that the outside world starts putting its hateful pressures on them to be pretty, popular, thin, fit the mold, etc.

5. nerdliness: Is next to Godliness. Or it would be if I weren't an atheist. I am a proud nerd. I'd rather read than anything, my only connection to current pop culture is to mock it, I kick ass and take names at trivia games and I correct grammar for fun. My husband and all our friends are nerds. Nearly all my social life revolves around science fiction conventions. Nerds are my people.

If anyone reading this would like me to give them 5 words that remind me of them, let me know in the comments!

On the eve of the day of my birth

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:06:00 GMT

So I'm turning 35 tomorrow. I'm not sure---is that supposed to be one of the significant ones? Maddie made my cake today. It's pink with orange, purple, and black sprinkles. Lovely. Tomorrow will be a family day--there's a carnival thingy at Centennial Park with moon bounces and big inflatable slides that's free, so we'll be at that. Then next weekend, I'm having my grown-ups only celebration at a midnight showing of Rocky Horror. What? You thought I was going to host a tasteful cocktail party? You must have mistaken me for someone remotely sophisticated.

I haven't written anything in ages and I know I haven't written about Mollie since, um... her birth. So if you're wondering how the littlest one is doing, here's the scoop:

She's 11 months old.

She's a very long and lean baby.

She's crawling and getting into everything--just started climbing too.

She stands well holding onto me or a chair.

She has two teeth.

She calls me "Ma Ma Ma Ma."

Her favorite song is the one in the car commercial with all the giant hamsters.

Her favorite person is her big sister.

She freaks out when we have visitors.

She loves story time at the library.

She hates Gymboree.

But she loves Gymbo the Clown.

She loves pancakes.

She sleeps in her crib now after nearly a year of co-sleeping.

She rocks.

I'm having technical difficulties in getting my camera to talk to my computer, but when I get it straightened out, I'll put up some pictures.

Tue, 05 May 2009 03:44:04 GMT

I stumbled across someone's diet blog last night. It was written by a woman who had a 3 month old baby and who was dieting so that she could be in pictures with him. She didn't want her son to look back and think, "where was Mommy?"

I found this so incredibly depressing. I wanted to leave a comment that said basically, "listen lady, in a few years, you know what you're going to regret? not having pictures of yourself with your little boy. you know what you won't regret nearly as much? being fat in said pictures." I just hate the thought that here's someone whose body has done an amazing thing and all she can think about is "I am not fit to be seen."

I speak from experience here. It's only been in recent years that I've been comfortable enough with having my picture taken when I don't look "perfect", whatever that means. I allowed no cameras near me when I was pregnant with Maddie. Then afterward, I was filled with regret that I had no document of that time. I was still a bit camera shy with Mollie, but I made sure there were at least a few pictures.

The main thing though, was that, for me, having a baby made me more comfortable in my skin. I'm not in a lot of the baby shots, but I am in some. And for the most part I don't care that my eyes have black circles and my shirt has a giant spit-up stain on it. Because 1. that's what new moms look like and 2. It's not about your appearance. It's capturing your love for your baby and creating a memory. But too many moms are so brainwashed by the whole MILF phenomenon that they're willing to let those memories go.

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 16:02:28 GMT

Maddie quote of the day:

"Can I be a Beatle when I grow up? I want to be John and play the guitar."

Not dead yet

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:33:38 GMT

Hey all. Just wanted to pop in and let you know I'm not dead. Not even resting really. Just haven't been in a writing mood for quite some time.

Let's see...what's been happening with me...

Maddie turned 5 last month. She had her first real birthday party with other kids and games and all that. So that was a big milestone. And she moved up to the Ballet 1 class from Pre-Ballet at my request (she was getting really self conscious about being in with the 3 year olds.) And she's said like three hundred weird and funny things that I would share with you if I remembered them.

Mollie can now sit up for about 20 seconds without toppling over and would spend her days rolling all over the house if she could. She gets on her hands and knees and pushes a bit too, making these "why am I not moving?" noises.

And I have absolutely nothing to say that isn't connected to the kids. Which is why I don't write. I've lost my sense of self.

copied from Facebook

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 02:35:08 GMT

25 Things About Me

1. I have lived in the same place for my entire life.

2. I am really sick of the place, but I'm trying to make the best of it for now.

3. I have generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and post-partum depression. In short, I'm emotionally fucked up and take lots of happy pills.

4. I also have myoclonic seizures (violent, sometimes full body, muscle spasms) of unknown origin (epilepsy has been ruled out.)

5. My favorite swear word is "fuck." I try not to say it around the kids though.

6. I get really competitive (among other things) when I'm drunk.

7. My absolute favorite subject in elementary school was spelling and I was sad that it wasn't part of the middle school curriculum.

8. I was a vegetarian for 13 years and I can't believe how self righteous and pretentious I was about it as a teenager.

9. Pork is now one of my favorite foods.

10. I lost my faith in organized religion when I was about 12 and our pastor got caught fooling around with the altar boys. ( I know, such a cliche)

11. In another example of my pretentious adolescent self, I would only read "real literature" (i.e. the classics). Which, looking back, means I missed out on some decent YA lit.

12. When I was a kid I used to fantasize about moving into the library. I still kind of want to do this.

13. You will never guess it from looking at me, but I'm half Italian.

14. I have never been on a roller coaster. Nor do I wish to.

15. I have accumulated something like 96 credits at various colleges over the years, but possess no actual degree.

16. I have finally ceased feeling inadequate about the above.

17. I've never been to the left side of the country.

18. I once got recruited to be a model. I considered it briefly but turned it down because 1. I'm camera shy and 2. the "modeling" work turned out to mostly be porn. Um...I'm flattered?!

19. I once dated a guy I had no chemistry with purely out of boredom. But at least, I got to see Davy Jones and Peter Noone in concert.

20. I haven't had a pet in six years. I really really miss having a cat.

21. I think it's ironically fitting that my mother and I both have bipolar disorder and are geminis.

23. The diet industry fills me with rage.

24. I have an inexplicable fascination with Victoria Beckham.

25. I am doing this to put off starting dinner. Now I guess I've gotta haul my lazy butt to the kitchen.

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 02:38:27 GMT

And now it's time for another Maddie quote of the day:

"I just want to run around and dream. Can I dream a little bit?"

catching up

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 05:55:29 GMT

Christmas was merry and New Year's eve was happy. Santa gave Maddie a Madeline doll which she takes everywhere with her. Her second favorite is her orange and aqua triceratops which she named HoJo. Ok, so we may have suggested the name.

We decided to put the Saturn out of its misery and replaced it with a 2008 Dodge Grand Caravan. The thing is freaking ginormous. But with two kids and all the swag that we haul to cons, a big car is a necessity. It's kind of weird getting used to not being squished by car seats.

Mollie started on solids about a month ago. So far she likes everything except peas and is starting to try to feed herself (grabs the spoon out of my hand.) She's a lot of fun to feed because she's so eager.

We got Season 2 of The Muppet Show for Christmas. Maddie asks about five times a day to watch Muppets again now please. So far, her favorite seems to be the Elton John episode. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" totally entranced her.

And now a couple of Maddie quotes:

"I'm not patient! I'm crazy!"

"Let's play ballerina dress-up tea party, Mommy!" (could she be any girlier?)

High School Confidential

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:57:38 GMT

I was comparing hellacious adolescences with theunveiling the other day. I'm not sure which of us was the winner (or loser, really.) But it did get me thinking and I've reached a few conclusions:

Nobody gets through their teen years unscathed in some way. And you don't figure that out until years later and marvel at your self-centeredness. (If they do manage to have a great time and they don't just end up peaking in high school, I officially hate them. Call me petty, I don't care.)

In spite of it all, I was pretty lucky. I had friends. Hell, I even had a boyfriend. True, he was an outcast even among the outcasts, but damn it-- I had a boyfriend! But it was mostly my insane, geeky, drama nerd pals who got me through things. And I'm so happy that I've been able to reconnect with some of them through LJ and Facebook. (And I hope we can meet up in person one of these days.)

So ekcamp, meep and markgarciachris---this is just to say thank you for caring about me then and for still caring about me now.

Meme. Sort of.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 07:12:36 GMT

7 Facts About Me (Some random, some weird)

1. I have prehensile toes. It's handy when I'm too lazy to bend down or have my arms full.

2. I'm a trichotillomania sufferer (compulsive hair puller) I spent ages 15 to 20 pretty much bald and still have periodic hormone related relapses---especially during pregnancy.

3. I used to think that not cooking everything from scratch was cheating. That was when I was single and only cooked occasionally. Now I'd like to invite my former self to kiss my ass.

4. I do not possess a college degree of any level. But I consider myself to be far more well-read and intelligent than a number of graduates that I am acquainted with.

5. Growing up, I never once got picked to be on a team in P.E. That's right--not even picked last, had to be foisted upon the team by the teacher. My athletic prowess was just that stunning.

6. Once I became a mother I pretty much lost the ability to be the slightest bit grossed out by bodily functions.

7. Becoming a mother gave me the confidence to basically say "fuck dwelling on my imperfections--I can create and nurture life--that makes me rock."

I'm supposed to tag 7 people to do this, but I really dislike the whole popularity contest aspect of tagging. So, if you want to do this meme--then hey, consider yourself tagged.

My baby is a genius

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:12:43 GMT

Mollie just walked about 8 feet across the room. Andy had to hold her steady and she's got no real sense of balance, but she has figured out the whole one foot in front of the other concept and moved her legs of her own accord.

In case you've lost track of her age, she's not quite 5 months. Something tells me she'll be an early walker.

Mmmm... Thanksgiving goodness

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 23:02:11 GMT

Have finalized the Turkey day menu. It will be as follows:

- Turkey breast rubbed with garlic, rosemary, olive oil, salt and pepper

- Stuffing (start with herb stuffing mix [but NOT Stove Top] and add chicken stock and sauteed celery, carrots and onions)

- Whipped sweet potatoes with orange juice and honey

- Roasted Brussels sprouts and red onions (olive oil, salt and pepper)

- Cranberry sauce (NOT from a can) with lemon zest and juice

- Crescent rolls (Yup, the wack-a-dough ones from Pilsbury)

And for dessert:

- Pumpkin chiffon pie

- Chocolate chip zucchini bread

Maddie will be in charge of the crescent rolls and zucchini bread. I will merely be a sous chef.

Grooming Meme. Or I Enjoy Being A Girl

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 07:22:37 GMT

A: What accessories do you wear every day?
My wedding band and my grandmother's engagement ring.

B: What is your beauty routine?
Bath or shower 3 to 4 times a week. Any more and my skin gets too dry. Body wash or scrub with moisturizers--don't like bar soap. Daily face wash with Dove Foaming Cleanser. Shave legs and pits about twice a week. Bikini every 10 days or so. Wash hair with shampoo/conditioner combo--separate conditioner makes it go limp. Washing too often makes it all frazzly. Don't use lotion. Makeup if I'm going out.

C: What was the last item of clothing (for yourself) that you purchased?
Bras. Of many and sundry types.

D: Do you use a dresser, closet, or both?
I have two dressers. I also have a closet but it's being blocked by the crib at the moment.

E: What type of earrings are in your ears right now?
Mollie has learned to grab things. Earrings are a thing of the past for the time being.

F: What type of figure do you have (measurements)
Barbie if she'd given birth twice and had actually had a belly. Big tits, long legs, wider than they used to be hips and a reasonably defined but by no means small waist. Also not much of a booty.

G: Do you wear glasses?
Yup. Have since I was 8. My prescription's 20/600 so I'm basically blind without em.

H: What type of handbag do you carry?
A boring brown leather Mom purse. Occasionally it's replaced by a black diaper bag. I used to carry more fun bags, I don't really know what happened.

I: What is your ideal style?
I love the flapper look. Sadly I don't have the right build for it. And I love the whole Regency period, Jane Austen thing. Partly because Empire waist styles really flatter me.

J: What is your favorite brand of jeans?
Whichever ones happen to create the illusion of booty.

K: Do you wear knee-hi stockings?
Knee high? No. Thigh high? Yes.

L: Do you *have* to wear matching lingerie?
It doesn't have to match exactly but the colors have to go together reasonably well.

M: Do you wear makeup?
I love makeup. Right now I am Almay's bitch. They're one of the few drugstore brand/lower priced brands that doesn't test on animals and I like how they have the whole coordination system for eye color and skin tone.

N: Do you wear nightgowns?
Hate em. Pajamas all the way.

O: What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winters day?
A wool coat, possibly a thermafleece liner, hat, gloves.

P: What is your favorite perfume?
I hate perfume. It makes me feel ill. Plus Andy is allergic.

Q: Is your motto "quality over quantity" when it comes to clothing and accessories?
Definitely. I think it helps that I'm not the trendy type--I like to stick mostly with well structured classics that can safely be worn for a few years without looking like a walking fashion don't.

R: Do you wear rain boots?
No. There aren't enough really rainy (as in lots of deep puddles) days around here to make it worthwhile to buy them.

S: Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold?
Slippers. But scuffs only. I can't deal with my feet getting all sweaty in the bootie kind.

T: Do you have a set of travel luggage?
Um. I have A suitcase. Does that count?

U: What is your daily uniform?
T shirt, yoga pants and scuffs. If perchance I actually leave the house then jeans, sweater and Easy Spirit sneakers.

V: If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? If not, how did you do your hair?
I am married but we eloped. I wore a pink mother of the bride dress. Fitting in a way as I was a little over 3 months pregnant at the time. As for my hair---I think I pulled it back with a fancy pants barrette with a rose on it--I can't really recall and we don't have pictures.

W: Do you wear a watch?
No. I really need to get one.

X: What item of clothing always makes you feel beautiful?
My royal blue dress. I have very fair skin and blue eyes so the color works well on me. And it hugs my curves just right-- not too tight, not too flowy. Plus it gives me mad cleavage.

Y: What is your favorite type of yarn?
I have no earthly idea.

Z: Do you prefer zippers or buttons?
I have no preference.

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:24:26 GMT

Maddie's new "favorite absolutely just right perfect" videos to watch are Yellow Submarine and The Monkees (Fairy Tale).

This makes me so very happy.

An Open Letter to Bra Manufacturers On Behalf of Myself and All My Bigger than a DD Cup Sisters

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 20:19:00 GMT

To Whom It May Concern:

In the assumption that you are actually concerned with pleasing your customers, may I offer the following advice?

1. Please offer more of a selection of moderately priced bras. I can accept that larger sizes will cost more than smaller ones due to increased material, more skilled engineering required, less demand for very large sizes in general. However. $80 for a bra is too freaking much. I for one do not have a big fat wallet to go along with my big fat boobs.

2. You know how you make cute and sexy bras in the smaller sizes? Could you do the same for the rest of us? We're getting pretty sick of the white and beige orthopedic garment look. Thanks.

3. If you do make sexy bras for us, please do not use skinny straps. Have some sympathy for our shoulders and use the padded kind please.

4. More seamless bras please. Some of us actually like to be able to wear something fitted without worrying about bra lines ruining the look.

5. Please remember that most of us? Are still sexy, vibrant, confident women. We would like some lingerie that reflects this. You seem to be under the misapprehension that we either don't have a sex life or are just too old to care since you seem to make a whole lot of granny bras.

Please keep all those things in mind next time you design a collection. Those of you who heed it will probably get customers for life.

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 01:18:03 GMT

Copy this sentence into your LiveJournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

All The Best Sports Are Disorganized

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 01:22:43 GMT

Your result for How good of a Calvinball player are you?...

Your Grade= A+ Good knowledge and excellent strategy!

69% Game_Knowledge and 93% Game_Skill!

Amazing. You are part of the 4.3% of the population that landed in this category.^*You know the game and its history well, and you did amazingly well when it came to playing Calvinball strategically.

This suggests that you probably have a natural talent in Calvinball. You have learned that the trick to doing well in Calvinball is not brute strength, but quick wit. With your natural ability you could go far.

You are definitely already talented enough to beat Calvin. A match versus the quick-witted tiger would be close. I'm going to give you the edge, but his superior knowledge of the game might propel him to victory.

* This is a made up number.

Take How good of a Calvinball player are you? at HelloQuizzy

Baby pics

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 11:28:01 GMT

I've got new pics of the girls on Facebook.

Here's the link if you want to check them out: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=265&l=8d848&id=1187040594

Quick PPD progress update

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 05:24:42 GMT

The meds started kicking in over the weekend. I spent the past four days wired beyond belief and doing things like cleaning the refrigerator at 4 in the morning,rearranging my dresser drawers, organizing baby clothes,having my own personal celebration of Discardia, dealing with both kids--with colds,no less(supervised,natch),talking nonstop really really really fast,and sleeping a sum total of 10 hours.

This morning I jumped up and down singing "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so....Scared!" and broke down sobbing. Ok, so that's not technically true. But I did hit the wall and it wasn't pretty. Good news is I got about 5 or 6 hours of sleep this afternoon and I'm on a more even keel.

And! This evening I gave Mollie her bottle and was able to relax and enjoy the experience. For the first time in weeks.

I don't understand people

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 07:31:37 GMT

A couple weeks ago I found a cousin of mine on Facebook and friended her. Pretty much out of family loyalty and because she can be endearing despite being an airhead sorority chick who's a conservative Christian. As you might expect from this description, she just adores Sarah Palin and I am sure she's convinced Palin kicked Biden's ass in the debate.

What gets me though is that she* has two cousins that grew up with her. They lived in the same neighborhood, went to the same schools, their mom (her aunt)was like a second mom to her. They consider her their little sister and she thinks of them as her big brothers. And both brothers? Are gay. And she loves them and their partners dearly.

So what I don't understand is how can anyone, even if they are dumb as a post, support someone whose views on homosexuality are so bound up in hate, superstition, and ignorance when they have loved ones who will be negatively affected (putting it mildly) if these views ever get put into action?

*Obviously they're my cousins too.

"I am not a bad mother" Lather, rinse, repeat

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:29:15 GMT

Lately I've been dealing with major mood swings, racing thoughts, and insomnia. I've also started feeling increasingly detached toward Mollie. I enjoy playing with her and giving her the occasional cuddle, but then I'm ready to pass her on to Andy or my mother. In short, the level of connection is one I would have with someone else's baby, not my own. I can't give her any of her feedings-- I tense up so much that I get uncontrollable involuntary tremors in my arms and can't hold her steady. Last week I picked her up to comfort her when she was crying and felt this huge surge of anger well up inside me and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to shake her, but to instead quickly hand her to my mother and walk out of the room to calm down a bit. The next day I called my psychiatrist.

To sum things up, he diagnosed me as being in the pre-psychotic stage of post-partum depression and put me on Geodon, which is an antipsychosis med. He said in no uncertain terms that given the feelings I was describing, along with my medical history, that it was not merely a question of if I would become psychotic without treatment---it was a question of when. Basically I'm having irrational thoughts now. But there's still a part of my brain working that tells me the thoughts aren't rational and thus I need to seek help. Ironically, this is where it pays to have struggled for years with depression. On the one hand, I'm something like three times more likely to have PPD than the average mother (whatever that is); on the other, I'm tuned in to the warning signs and know how to get help before things spiral out of control.

I'm working with a therapist on day to day coping strategies and answering my own irrational thought processes. And we have a safety plan set up-- as advised by my doctor, I am not to be left alone with Mollie, at least until he sees me in two weeks and can evaluate my stability. So, for the time being, she has been moved into my parents' room. Thankfully, she's gotten to be a fairly easy baby and frequently goes five to six hours stretches between feedings at night-- so at least my geriatric folks don't have to have their sleep be too disrupted.

Why am I sharing all this? Why am I discussing this intensely personal ordeal in a public entry? Because I know in the rational part of my head (which occasionally has control) that this does not make me a bad mother. That this is a sickness. One that can and should be acknowledged and treated. And potential sufferers and their loved ones need to be made aware of its warning signs. Because ignoring all the nagging doubts, the obsessive thoughts, the crying jags, the joylessness--all for the sake of not wanting to labeled a bad mother? Is what will you a bad mother.

Maddie Quote of the Day

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 03:52:59 GMT

"Let's grow our noses out and turn them into trunks, Mommy!"

Help to fight the good fight!

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 05:18:10 GMT

Make a donation to Planned Parenthood in Sarah Palin's name. And here's the good part: when you make a donation to PP in her name, they'll send her a card telling her that the donation has been made in her honor! You can make a donation for as little as $5.00!

Here's the link to the Planned Parenthood website: https://secure.ga0.org/02/pp10000_inhonor

You'll need to fill in the address to let PP know where to send the "in Sarah Palin's honor" card.

McCain/Palin for President
1235 S. Clark Street
1st Floor
Arlington, VA 22202

I hesitated a bit, because I don't like disrespecting someone's sincere beliefs. Then I remembered this is Sarah Palin-- she doesn't have a sincere bone in her body. And I support Planned Parenthood's work. So I gave them 25 bucks on her behalf.

Urban Dictionary Meme

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 05:51:51 GMT

Go to urbandictionary. com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then post the definition.

1) Your name?
Ellen

A type of filthy chicken. Or "to have missionary sex while underwater"

2) Your age?
34

slang for anal sex:
The 3 represents a butt while the 4 represents the top vie of a man holding his penis towards the butt-hole.

3) One of your friends?
Jenna

an amazing person who's really smart and totally crazy at the same time. (Which is true. I'm just amazed that nothing porny about Jenna Jameson came up)

4) What should you be doing?
sleeping

To masturbate furiously in your room while praying that your grandma doesn't come in. (Ewwwwwwwwww)

5) Favorite color?
Pink

slang reference to the vagina. Why am I not surprised.

6) Hometown?
Columbia

A smallish suburb located roughly halfway between Baltimore, Md and D.C. The median income, as well as the median age of residents (and cost of living) is slowly rising. Best known for its ridiculous literary street names. The example below features actual street names.

"The girl from Columbia who lived on Red Keel was jealous of her friend, who lived on Mooseberger Court."

7) Month of your birthday?
June

A "hood" term meaning girl/woman.
"Dang, that june is sexy."

8) Last person you talked to on the phone?
Andy

One real pimp-ass Ho-bag that really loves designing erotic calendars featuring lizards.
See also--Bob Ross

9) what you're doing tomorrow?
Asian arts festival

(which has yet to obtain an urbandictionary definition,apparently)

10) What you are if you are looking this up.
an insomniac

Those who claim to be an insomniac largely fall into two distinct categories.
Firstly, those who are genuinely and tragically afflicted by the inability to sleep.

Secondly, the fucking idiot emo wannabes who simply stay up past their bed time whining on myspace rather than actually trying to sleep.

There went the bride

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 03:07:12 GMT

So I've been married five years now. I'd wax poetic about it, but the day hasn't got any real significance. I mean, we do celebrate our anniversary, but the "wedding" itself was nothing to speak of. The day was picked at random, no one witnessed the ceremony and I spent most of the night in hormonal tears. All I really wanted was to have a civil ceremony at the courthouse witnessed by our immediate families and a few close friends and then a nice dinner with everyone. But one thing after another came up and even that simple plan became too complicated.

It isn't that I wanted a proper wedding. It's just that no matter how you try to focus on the marriage itself and not the wedding day, you still look back on the day that started it all. And my day was nothing but frustration and disappointment. A sign of things to come? That's a topic for another time and place.

But the most important thing in all this? Is that I love you, Andy. Happy Anniversary babe.